Some days, your brain just clocks out by 10:13am. You’re at your desk. You look alive. But mentally? You’re in another dimension, probably building a fantasy grocery list or reliving an argument from 2007. Still, you need to keep up appearances. Whether it’s for your boss, coworkers, or just your own sense of dignity, here’s how to look busy when you’re absolutely, completely, 100% not.

1. The Strategic Spreadsheet Open Excel. Any spreadsheet. Doesn’t even matter what it is. Add some random numbers. Use formulas like =SUM() and =IF() to look like you’re solving nuclear physics. Bonus points if you tilt your head and occasionally sigh like you’re deep in thought. People will avoid asking questions because nobody actually wants to look at a spreadsheet.

2. Master the Nod-and-Type Keep a document open and occasionally type something. Doesn’t have to be real. Could be lyrics. Could be your weekend shopping list. Every so often, nod thoughtfully like you’re solving real problems. Throw in a squint at the screen for effect. Looks intense. Means nothing.

3. Walk with Purpose Pick up a notepad and just start walking. Walk to the printer. Walk past a meeting room. Walk in a loop. Walk like you just remembered something urgent. The notepad makes it look official. You could be solving a crisis—or just trying to find the snacks. No one knows.

4. Ask a vague question in Slack Pop into a group chat and ask something like, “Hey, does anyone remember what we decided about the Q3 rollout cadence?” It sounds important but doesn’t require you to actually do anything. You’ve bought at least 15 minutes of credibility and people might even thank you for the reminder.

5. The Browser Tab Method Keep a bunch of work-related tabs open—docs, dashboards, the team calendar. Then sprinkle in one news site and your email. Alt-tab like a maniac anytime someone walks past. That blur of activity? Looks like multitasking. Actually just you trying to remember what tab had the lunch menu.

6. Schedule Fake Meetings Book a 30-minute block on your calendar titled something like “System Sync” or “Data Review.” Take it seriously. Go sit in a meeting room with your laptop and headphones. Watch YouTube. Meditate. Stare out the window. Whatever you need. Everyone respects calendar blocks. Use that power.

7. The Deep Thought Face Rest your chin on your hand, eyes slightly narrowed, brows drawn. This is the classic look of someone tackling a complex problem. Internally, you might be wondering if raccoons have thumbs. Externally? You’re a productivity god.

In conclusion: it’s okay. Everyone has off days. Just look busy enough to survive until lunch. Then you reassess. Or fake it again in the afternoon. Corporate survival isn’t about output—it’s about optics. And you, my friend, are a master of illusion.